“I am tired of Sexploring.” Said Ariette. “I want to do something smert.”
Matilda gave Ariette a look.
“Do you mean Smart?”
“No.” Said Ariette. “Smert.”

“I know!” said Matilda. “Lets visit Alfred Einsteine.”
“But hes died.” Said Ariette.

“And hes still dead.”  She added thoughtfully.
“So?”
_____________________________________________
And so Ariette took out her Sellphone and called up Alfred.

“Hey Alfred.” Said Ariette. “Are you still dead?”

“Hold on a second.” He said.

Ariette waited a very long time and listened to the loud rock music he put on while he had her on hold. Ariette figured he was busy with his hoes.

“Yes.” He said at last. “I am.”

“Good.” said Ariette. And then they went to visit him.

Matilda cheered!
______________________________________________-

And so they all hung out at the cemetery.

“Haha.” Said Alfred, to Ariette. “Your so stupid and I’m so smert.”

“Well.” Said Ariette. “At least I’m cute.”

“I’m cute too!” said Alfred Einstine.

“Your not cute.” Said ARiette.  “Your just dead.”

(He couldn’t argue with that.)

“Well your ugly!” he said to Ariette.

“Well your almost as ugly.” Said Ariette.

__________________________________________________
“I think your cute.” Said Matilda, to Alfred, quite flirtacesouly.

________________________________________________
“Enough of that!” said Ariette.
“This isn’t the time for Necropheliac-ism.” She said. We better get going.

“Where are we going?” asked Matilda.
“To find the Wizard of Sploz.” Said Ariette. “So I can get a brain. Because my mommy bashed my head open and my brain fell out and we made it into pink flaved pudding, remember?”
“Oh. Right.” And they got going. But not before Matilda gave Alfred her phone number.

______________________________________________

“I also want to stop and get a bagel.” Said Ariette.

“Make up your mind!” said Annabel.
“That’s the trouble.” Said Ariette. “I can’t make up my mind. I haven’t got a brain.”

“What would you do with a brain if you had one?” asked Matilda.

“Why I would-                  " said Ariette. (she couldn't think of anything she would do if she had a brain.)
_____________________________________________

And then Ariette burst into song.

I could while away the hours, conferrin' with the flowers
Consultin' with the rain.
And my testicle I'd be scratchin' while
my cancer eggs  were busy hatchin'
If I only had a brain.
I'd unravel every riddle for any individ'le,
In a dream bubble or in pain.
With the thoughts you'll be thinkin'
you could be another Lincoln
If you only had a brain.
Oh, I could tell you why outerspace is near the shore.
I could think of things I never thunk before.
And then I'd sit, and think some more.
I would not be just a nothin' my head all full of stuffin'
My ugly face all full of pain.
I would pass classes and be  merry, life and eat an Ariette Berry
If I only had a brain.

___________________________________________

Everybody clapped.

_____________________________________

And then Richard the stupid Pollack decided to sing too. He sang:

When a man's an empty kettle he should be on his mettle,
And yet I'm torn a mess-ticle.
Just because I'm presumin' that I could be kind-a-human,
If I only had testicle.
I'd be tender - I'd be gentle and awful sentimental
Regarding Love and Art.
I'd be “friends” with the sparrows ...
and the “boys”  who “shoots the arrows”
If I only had a testicle.
Picture me - a balcony. Above a voice sings low.
Wherefore art thou, Romeo? I hear a beat....
How sweet.
Just to register emotion, jealousy - devotion,
And really feel the part.
I could stay young and chipper
and I'd sting my hand inside my zipper,
If I only had a testicle.

And then Ariette smoked a lot of crack.After she smoked all that crack, they found  a rainbow.

Ariette looked at the rainbow and sang:

Somewhere, over the rainbow, way up high.
There's a land that I heard of
Once in a lullaby.
Somewhere, over the rainbow, skies are blue.
And the dreams that you dare to dream
Really do come true.
Someday I'll wish upon a star and
wake up where the clouds are far
Behind me.
Where troubles melt like lemon drops,
Away above the chimney tops.
That's where you'll find me.
Somewhere, over the rainbow, testicles fly.
Testicles fly over the rainbow,
Why then - oh, why can't I?
If happy little bluebirds fly beyond the rainbow,
Why, oh, why can't I?

______________________________________________
“Wow, Ariette.” Said Tamlila. I mean, Matilda. “That was beautiful.”

“Why don’t yo using something?” asked Ariette.
“Because I don’t have any courage.”

“Oh.” She said. “That’s too bad.” she said, sarcastically.
______________________________________________

“I give up.” Said Ariette, while they were in the middle of the Yellow Brick Road.
“I don’t even want a brain that much anyway.” She said. “I like failing.” She smiled.

“I give up too.” Said Annabel.
“And me.” Said Richard.
“I gave up first!” said Matilda.
“But I called it first!” said Ariette.
“But I thought it first!” said Richard.
“I GAVE UP THE MINUTE I WAS BORN” said Ariette.
“Well You have senioritis!” said Anna.
“No I DON’T!” said Arieitte.

“SHUTUP” said Matilda. “YOUR ALL SO STUPID I CAN’T BELIEVE IT.”
 _____________________________________________

There was silence.

 _____________________________________________

And then they all turned back and went home.

 _____________________________________________
"Ah." said Ariette. "Theres no place like home. Theres no place like home."

 _____________________________________________
When Ariette got home her mommy killed her for staying out past 8 pm and leaving her sock on the floor.

 _____________________________________________

And then she sang
Ding Dong, the Which is dead!" Wich old which. The wicked Which. Ding dong the wicked Which is dead!!!!!!!!!

________________________________________________
Ariette looked all around her.
"I don't think we're in Kansas anymore." she said, quite randomly.

 _____________________________________________

"In Munchkinland," said Short Little Ariette,"I am a natural heroin."

"You mean, National Heroine?" said Matilda.

"No." said Ariette. "Yes thats right. said Ariette."I mean National Heroin."

And then she fell asleep and drooled all over everything.

THE END

(it was the first good thing that ever happened to Ariette. So she began to sing:

I never thought my life could be
 anything but catastrophe
But suddenly I begin to see a bit of good luck for me
Cause I've got a golden testicle
I've got a golden testicle in my eye

I never had a chance to shine never a happy song to sing,
But suddenly half the world is mine what an amazing thing
Cause I've got a golden testicle
It's ours!
I've got a golden testicle, up in the sky.

I never dreamed that I would climb over the moon in ecstasy,
But nevertheless it's there that I'm shortly about to be
Cause I've got a golden testicle
I've got a golden chance to make my way
And with the golden testicle  it's a golden day.

Good morning! Look at the sun!
Cause I have said, "It couldn't be done"
But it can be done.

I never dreamed that I would climb over the moon in ecstasy,
But nevertheless it's there that I'm shortly about to be
Cause I've got a golden testicle
Cause I've got  golden testes
I've got a golden chance to make my way
And with a golden testicle it's a golden day. 

______________________________________

And then Willy Wanker walked by.

“Everything here is made out of candy.” He said.
Ariette bit him.
“Except me! Except me!” he added.

“Oh.” Said Ariette.
She spit out a chunk of his arm.
She picked up a squirrel.

And then Ariette licked the berries on the wall.

“Yum.” She said.
“Is it a Snozberry?”
“No.” she said. “Arietteberry. These are  same ones they used to make Ariette cakes she explained, happily.

As Ariette walked along, she sang softy

“The Crack Man Can. The Crack man can because he laces it with crack and makes the world taste good. And the world tastes good because the crack man thinks it SHOULD!”

 
And then willy wanker took them through a small room.

“Those are the Ooompa Looompas.” Said Willy Wanker.

The little Ooompa loompas began to sing.

Ooompa lopppma looompadedo
If you are Ariette I’m sorry for you

You will live in uglieness too
Like the oompa doompitydo!

And then a little boy stood next to the chocolate river.
“Yum.” He said. “Chocolate.”
An evil little grin came across Ariette’s face, as she snuck up behind him, and pushed him in.

“Oh My!” said Ariette. “That little boy has fallen into the river!” “He is drowning. Whatever will we do.” Said Ariette.

“I Don’t know.” Said Willy Wanker.

______________________________________

And then Ariette found a bottle.
“Look, Grampa Jo.” She said. “Voldka!”

And so they got so wasted that they climbed up the wall and into the ceiling fan and

Their bodies were torn apart into little bits that rained all over the room.

“Wow Ariette, your voice is getting deeper.
Ariette took of her clothes.

“That’s because I a man.” She said.

 “See?”
______________________________________

And so they got into a choochoo train. White liquid erupted from it and poured all over everybody.

“What is this?” a  lady asked Willy Wanker.  “Its it candy?”
Richard immedeatly began to eat the liquid.

Meanwhile, Ariette gazed around, suspiciously.

“Wait a second!” said Ariette. “I know what this is.” And then she looked disguisted, and vomited.
______________________________________

“I like it.” said Richard. “Its good!”

______________________________________

“I want a Cancer Bunny Egg NOW” said Veruca.
“No.” said Ariette. “That’s my cancer bunny egg!”

And so they fought over it.
“Children! Children!” said Willy Wanker.

“You can BOTH get a cancer bunny egg.”

Ariette read the sign on the boat. It said “Do Not Stand.”

And then Ariette stood up and started to scream

There's no earthly way of knowing
Which direction we are going
There's no knowing where we're rowing
Or which way the river's flowing
Is it raining?  Is it snowing?  Is a hurricane a'blowing?
Not a speck of light is showing
So the danger must be growing
Are the fires of hell a'glowing?
Is the grisly reaper mowing?
Yes!
The danger must be growing
For the rowers keep on rowing
And they're certainly not showing
Any signs that they are slowing!

______________________________________

“That is very Ariette of you, Ariette.”

   Everyone nodded in agreement.

______________________________________

And so Ariette and Grampa Jo entered the room where everything was cut in half.
“Willy Wanker?” asked Ariette.
“Yes?”
“Does this mean you have half a testicle?”
He looked down.
“Yes.” He said. “Yes I do.”

So they entered an elevator that was made of glass.

______________________________________

“I don’t know.” Said Ariette. This doesn’t seem like such a good idea”

“Of course it’s not  a good idea!” said Willy Wanker.

And then one of the Ooopa looompas chased Ariette around singing:

What do you get when you fail chemistry?
A pain in the testicle and an IQ of three
Why don't you try simply reading a book?
Or can you just not bear to look?

______________________________________

Ariette ran and ran but she could not escape.

__________________________________

And since Ariette was mad at the Chruch, she decied to make her own Church.

______________________________________

 She invited all her many, many friends: Annabel and that Richard Thing.

____________________________________________________

Since she had nowhere to go, she decided to use the local crackhouse, a mere two blocks away from her own house.

_________________________________________________________

“So.” She said. “Let us start with a song of praise to god.”

And then they sang her favorite song.

______________________________________

 It was called “the Llama song.”

______________________________________

 It went like this:

here's a llama
there's a llama
and another little llama
fuzzy llama
funny llama
llama llama
duck

llama llama
cheesecake
llama
tablet
brick
potato
llama
llama llama
mushroom
llama
llama llama
duck

i was once a treehouse
i lived in a cake
but i never saw the way
the orange slayed the rake
i was only three years dead
but it told a tale
and now listen, little child
to the safety rail

did you ever see a llama
kiss a llama
on the llama
llama's llama
tastes of llama
llama llama
duck

half a llama
twice the llama
not a llama
farmer
llama
llama in a car
alarm a llama
llama
duck

is THIS how it's told now?
is it all so old?
is it made of lemon juice?
doorknob
ankle
cold
now my song is getting thin
i've run out of luck
time for me to retire now
and become a duck.

AMEN!

________________________________________________
They all sat down.

________________________________________________

“And sooo…….” Ariette said randomly, “Like God always said…. Wear a condomn.”
“I thought he said don’t wear a condemn.” Said Richard.

“He said that too.” Said Ariette.

“No.” said Anna. “That was Moses.”
“No. said Richard. “Abraham. Lincoln.”

______________________________________
“So which one is it?” asked Annabell

Ariette shrugged.

______________________________________

She tossed Annabell the Bible.
“Look it up yourself.” She said. “ You Lazy Fock.”

________________________________________________
“Fock that shit.” Said Richard. “I’m Polish. I’m not looking anything up.”

“Fine.” Said Annabell. “I’ll do it.”

_______________________________________________
Annabell opened up the bible to the index.
“Codemn………….”
“No. Condem.” Said Ariette.

________________________________________________

“Condemn.” Said Annabel. Page -3543.

______________________________________

“It says………..Wear  a Condemn. Don’t wear a condem. Wear a condom. 3:14.” She said.
“What?” exclaimed Richard. “I don’t get it!”
“That’s because you’re a stupid Pollack!” said Anna.

________________________________________________

And she took the Condemn, and demonstrated.

________________________________________________

“Excuse me,” said Ariette, upon walking into the room.
“Is it AP test, or A PEE test?” she asked.
“What?”
“Is it AP test, or A PEE test,” she repeated.
“What?”
Ariette got very frustrated.

________________________________________________
“I don’t know whether to pee, or take the test!” she exclaimed.
He looked at her.
She looked back at him.
And she was embarrassed, so she walked away.
_____________________________________
“It’s a fifty fifty chance.” She thought.
So she peed on the test, handed it in, and went home.
_________________________________________
“YOU WHAT?” asked Matilda.
“I peed on the test.” Said ARiette.
“WHAT?”
“Peed.” Said Ariette. “On the test.”
“WHAT?”

________________________________________________
“WHY DON’T YOU TAKE THAT OUT OF YOUR EARS?” asked Ariette.
“WHAT?”
Ariette gestured towards the play dough that was in Matildas ears.
___________________________________________
“I peed on the test.” Ariette said.
“Ariette! You weren’t supposed to pee on the test!”
“I wasn’t?”
“No!” “Of course not!”

“You were supposed to pee on the answer sheet!”
______________________________________________

“Don’t you read!?”
“No.” said Ariette. “I can’t read. Or write. And I can only count to ten.”

________________________________________________
“One…..one……one………. Nevermind!” said Ariette.

 “I can only count to one.”
________________________________________________
“That’s OK.” Said Matilda.

 “At least you’re  good at calculus.”

___________________________________________________

“Darnit.’ Said Ariette. “I lost my lifes work.” She said.

And then she shrugged, and walked away.

_______________________________________________

And so Ariette dropped the baby on the floor, and killed it.
“Whoops.” She said, as its head slattered on the pavement, making a pretty picture.

She shrugged and walked away.

And so he shot Ariette in the face.
“ouch.” Said Ariette. She brushed the bullet off.

And then she continued on her way.

_______________________________________________
Until she reached her grandmothers house.
“My,” said Ariette. “What a big testicle you have.”
Her grandmother growled.
_________________________________________________

“My.” Said Ariitte. “What big eyes you have.”
Her grandmothers red eye rolled around and gazed at Ariette.
_________________________________________________

“My.” Said Ariette. “What big legs you have.”
_________________________________________________
The readers gasped.
“That’s just wrong!” they exclaimed in unison.
“QUIET YOU!” said Ariette. Before I delete that sentence!
_________________________________________________
“What big brea-“ Ariette began.

THAT’S ENOUGH, ARIETTE.” Said the Grandmother.
________________________________________________
“Hey. Your not my grandmother…” Ariette suddenly noticed. “You’re a wolf!”

“You win.” Said Ariette. And then they ate eachother at the same time. Its called 86.

 (Not to be confused with 69)

_________________________________________________
“Does this hurt?”
He dropped an Anvil on her.
“Nope.” Said Ariette.
“How about this?”
He ran her over with a bulldozer.
“Nope.”
“This?” He threw her off a cliff.
“Nope.”
“This?” He poked her in the boobie.
“OUCH!” she screamed.

 And ran away.

________________________________________________
“Does this hurt?” asked Ariette. She smacked him with a building.
“No.” he said.
“How about this?” She dropped a feather on him.
“A little.” He admitted.

“WACH OUT!” said Ariette.

And then she kicked him the in the testicle as hard as she possibly could There was a loud popping sound.

________________________________________________
Ariette giggled hysterically.

_______________________________________________

It was true though. Ariette wasn’t sick. She always convulsed vomited and coughed.

Really,  she just wanted to stay home and look for her testicle.

_________________________________________________

“Whats wrong with you?” asked the doctor.

“I can’t find my testicle.” Said Ariette.
“Is that all?” he asked.

But most of all, said Ariette
“I hurt my finger.”

And so Ariette went back to the lost and found.
“Do you have my testicle?” she asked.
“I don’t know. What does it look like?”
____________________________________
Ariette thought a moment.
“A testicle?”

____________________________________
They allowed her to look for her testicle.
______________________________________
“HERE IT IS!” she exclaimed.

 “I found my testicle!”
“That’s great, Ariette!”

She put her testicle back.

_____________________________________
But it didn’t fit.
______________________________________
It was the wrong testicle.
________________________________

“Richard!” she exclaimed. “I think I found your testicle!”

_________________________________________________

“Then whats this?” he asked as he pointed at his crotch.

_________________________________________________
There was something there he never saw before.

______________________________________
“Silly Richard. “That’s a vagina!” said Ariette, very audiabley.

______________________________________
Everyone turned around and looked.

______________________________________

“WHERE?” they exclaimed. “Where is the vagina!!?”

“On Richard.” Said Ariette.

“Look everybody!”

____________________________________________________

Ariettes eyes glistened.
She had an idea!
She tied all her friends up, and then got a knife.

_________________________________________________

She took a boob from Richard, a testicle from herself, a face from Richard, a leg from Annabel, an Ass from  Richard, and carefully sewed them all together.

_________________________________________________

“Look!” “Its Frankenannaarietteandrichardstein!” she exclaimed and joyfully clapped her hands. 

________________________________________________

And then she set Frankenannaarietteandrichardstein loose in her skhoool, Broken Testicle High School.

And so Ariette got her report card.
“I didn’t fail!” she exclaimed. She looked angry. She tore up the report card and threw the pieces at people. “MY 0.0 GPA IS RUINED!” she exclaimed, and she started to cry.

_________________________________________________

Just then, a man walked by.

Ariette looked oddly excited.
“WHOSE THAT?” she asked.
“Oh. That’s Mr Ashes The Princypal.”
Ariette ran up to Mr. Ashes!

_________________________________________________
“Are you a vampire, Count Ashes!!??” she asked.
“No.” he said.

(Ariette didn’t listen.)

_________________________________________________
“Because, I’m a vampire.” Said Ariette.

 She smiled and showed off her  little fangs.

_________________________________________________

 “I’m always looking for new vampire friends.” She said.
“I’m not a vampire!!!” Said Count Ashes.
“Right.” “Right.” Said Ariette.
“I’m glad we got that straight.” Said Count Ashes.

_________________________________________________
“Can I see your coffin?” asked Ariette.
_________________________________________________

“Yes!” Ariette confirmed to her friends.“He is!” And I saw his fangs. I saw them!”

Noone could convince her otherwise.
_________________________________________________

Ariette looked down at her classwork.

The first question was

“ 1+ 1 = ??? “

“THAT’S TOO HARD!” said Ariette.

“THIS IS TOO HARD!”
And she gave up.

______________________________________

Anvils in center section

“And so, if you combine half a bon bon with a car, and add two dead oxes and two bottles of gin,” said Ariette, you get Carbon Dioxide!”
“That’s right!” said Mr. Huffy.
“Wow.” Said  Matilda. “Ariette finally said something right.”
“Yeah. But it was by accident, said Ariette, sadly.

“And here, is your homework. It should take one second.

UNLESS OF COURSE YOU HAPPEN TO BE ARIETTE.
Then it will take you the rest of your life.

And so Ariette stayed up all night doing the homework.
Then she went to school.

“Your so lazy, Ariette.’
“But I did my work.” She said.
“No you didn’t. You liar. I did not see you working.
“That’s because I did it at home.” Said Ariette.

And so Ariette went to Barns and Hobos and picked up the first book she saw. The title of the book was

“Ariette Is Ugly.”

______________________________________

“That’s funny.” Said Ariette. “Well they couldn’t possibly be talking about me.”
Then she picked up the next book that she was. I mean, saw.

 The title was

“Ariette Isn’t Very Pretty.”

She opened it up.

Ariette Sariette was a bear.

Ariette Sariette had no hair.

Ariette sariette isn’t very pretty, is she.”

Said the book.

   She looked at the rest of the books. The Unabridged Ariette is ugly Dictionary. The Ariette is Ugly Thesarus. Ugly in Wonderland. Ugly  and the Thee Bears.
Goodnight, Ugly. UglyAriettekenstein. Sleeping Ugly. Ugly Beauty. The very Ugly Ariette. Ugly Everlasting. Curious Ugly goes to Barnes and Hobos. The Ugly Bible. Little Red Ugly Hood. Ugly White and the 7 Midgits.

All of them had pictures of her.

______________________________________

“My.” Exclaimed Ariette. “I feel very sorry for this Ariette girl

And then Ariette filled out a FAFSA.

It said “This should take an hour.”
So, calculated Ariette, this will take me the next two hundred and thirty six years.
And it did.

______________________________________

And so Ugly, I mean, Ariette decied to play the piano. As she played it, the piano giggled.

______________________________________
“Stop it.” Said the Piano. “That tickles!”
“It does?” asked Ariette.
“Yes. Of course!”

Ariette giggled too, and continued playing the piano.
“I SAID, STOP IT!” said the piano, louder.
Ariette giggled insanely much and played and played.
“HOW WOULD YOU LIKE IT IF I TICKLED YOU!?” asked the Piano.

Ariette thought a minute.
“Ok!” she said.
So she sat on the floor, and the piano tickled her.
Ariette laughed and laughed. She laughed hard and gasped for breath.

______________________________________

Then her mommy walked in, saw the piano and Ariette on the floor, and gave her a funny look.

______________________________________

And then a boulder fell and squished her back to being 4 foot 7. Minus the millimeter.

“Hello, Ariette.”

“WHAT NOW?!” screamed Ariette. “WHAT DO YOU WANT OUT OF MY LIFE!? …..LEAVE ME ALONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

______________________________________

Do you love me? How abbut now? Now? No no no yes

And in case you don’t have fun on your vacation, said the tea-Chur

And suddenly, Ariette had an idea.

She leaned over and killed her favorite person.
“April fools!” she shouted to the dead body.
(She just wanted to make a funny joke.)
“You can wake up now.” She said. “April fools!”

“Is it over? Is it over?” asked Ariette, anxiously.
“its not over until the fat lady sings.

“Tell him” Ariette. “What is the worst that could happen?”
Ariette imagined the worst case scenario.

*dream bubble*

“Hi I like you.” She said.
“YOU-WHAT?”
“Like you?

“HOW DARE YOU LIKE ME! HOW DARE YOU! HOW DARE YOU!”

He tied her up and beat her until she was bruised and black and blue and then he poured gasoline on her and set her on fire.

And then he took a mallet and he made her into Roast Ariette and fed her to the starving children in Africa.

Ariette shuddered

“I better not tell him.” She said. And then she went and she told him and that is exactly what hapene.d

“Yum.,….Ariiiette” exclaimed Ariette,“ Delicious Ariette genies!”

________________________________________________

And to punish her for ruining her 0.0 GPA, she tied Ariette to the floor and beat her with a wrought iron frying pan.

_________________________________________________

Ariettes skull fell to the floor in pieces. Her brain oozed and slid and made its way across the floor gracefully as a ballet dancer.

_________________________________________________

“My brain!” exclaimed Ariette.

_________________________________________________

Ariette’s brain didn’t quite know what to do with itself, so it followed her around all day.

_________________________________________________

“Whats that?” asked Annabel casually, as Ariettes brain followed her around.”
“Whats what?” asked Ariette.
“That?”
“What?”
“That!”
“Oh. That.” Said Ariette. “Don’t worry. That’s only my brain.”
“Oh.”
“Yeah.” Said Ariette. “My mom cracked my skull open.” She exclaimed.
“So anyway,” said Annabel, do you want to hang out after skckool?”

_________________________________________________

“Can my brain come?” asked Ariette.

_________________________________________________

“No.” said Annabel.

“No fair!” said Ariette. “You get to bring Richard!”

_________________________________________________
And then they got into a fight about which one was stupider and uglier, Ariette’s brain, or Richard.

_________________________________________________

Richard one, hands down.

_________________________________________________

“Just kidding! Just kidding!” said Burndead. Stop looking at me like that, she said to Annalan.

_________________________________________________

“You shut up!” Bernadette said to Burnaedad. “I was not kidding.”

_________________________________________________

Bernadine, the real Bernadette, reached over and slapped Bernadette.

“Be quiet.” She said.

_________________________________________________

And so Bernadine, the real Bernadette, attacked Bernadette, the real Burnadead, who attacked  Burnadead, the real Ariette, who attacked Ariette, the real Marionette, who attacked Marionettte.

_________________________________________________

“Hey.” Said Annabel. “Stop telling slapping her!”

_________________________________________________

Annalan, the real Annabel, reached over and slapped Annabel, the real Anna, who slapped Anna.

________________________________________________

“And then,” said Ariette, to all that would listen.
“God created the lunchroom in seven days.”

Everybody “ ‘ooohed’ and ‘aaaahhhheed’.”

“Yes.” Said Ariette. And on the first day, he said,

“Let there be Table.”

Everybody “ ‘ooohed’ and ‘aaaahhhheed’.”

“And on the second day, he said, “Let there Matilda and Evan.”

Everybody “ ‘ooohed’ and ‘aaaahhhheed’.”

“And on the the third day, he said, “Let there be Ariette.”

Everybody booed.

Ariette paused for just long enough to give everyone a subtle dirty look.

“And then, he just….gave up.” Said Ariette. (She was quite a deist.)

“See?” There was evidence of god giving up everywhere. Starting with Richards face.

_________________________________________________

“Well where did you last see it?” he asked.
Ariette thought. “I don’t remember.” She said.
“I might have left it on the train,” she added, as an afterthought.
_________________________________________________

And so they went to the train lost and found because there were pictures of babys under lost items.
“Um.” Said Ariette, “I lost the baby?”
“What did it look like?”
Ariette shrugged.
“A baby?’

“Ok. You may search for your baby.”

_________________________________________________

“Its not here, said Ariette, tiredly. “These babies are all dead.”
_________________________________________________

And so Ariette gave up and went home and fell asleep.

_________________________________________________

Later  the babies parents knocked on Ariette’s door.
“Where is our baby?”
Ariette shrugged.
“I lost it?”
“Oh.” “Ok.” And then they paid her.
_________________________________________________

“Let us know if it turns up anywhere,” they called, as they went out the door.

_________________________________________________

“And so, I can’t go.” Said Ariette. “I have to go home right away and change my underwear.:
“Oh.” Said Annabell. “Yeah, I have to kill my cat today anyway. Maybe tomorrow?”
“Maybe.” Said Ariette. “But only if my hat wakes up.”.

“On the other hand,” said Annabell, “perhaps my mom really is  purple.

“On the other hand,” said Ariette, I have 6 fingers.”
And then she slithered away on all threes.

____________________________________________________
She was a trihexapus.

____________________________________________________

“And so I have a ballet recital, tomorrow.” Said Ariette.
“Will you come?”
“Sorry Ariette. Tomorrow I absolutely, positively have to rearrange my sock drawer.”
“Oh.” Said Ariette. “I understand.”
And so he went home and sadly rearranged his sock drawer. All the while, he thought of Ariette and her ballet recital.

____________________________________________________

“Guess what.” Said Ariette. “I have another recital, tomorrow!”

“That would be impossible.” He said, sadly. “I have to rearrange my sock drawer tomorrow, also.” He said.
“Oh.” Said Ariette.
“Yes.” He said. “Life is hard when you have socks.”
“I agree,” said Ariette.
“Things get quite disorganized.” He said. “Especially at this time of year.

____________________________________________________

(Spring fever got all the socks in the drawer very excited and disorganized.)

____________________________________________________

“I also have recitals everyday, for the rest of my life.” Said Ariette.

He looked at his schedule.
“How unfortunate.” He said. “I have to organize my socks every day for the rest of my life.”
“Oh.” Said Ariette. “Can you miss a day?

“Absolutely not.” He said, and shuddered, thinking of his messy socks.

____________________________________________________

He did not have fun organizing his socks that day because he felt guilty about Ariette, and her recital.

____________________________________________________

“Hi Bart.” Said Ariette.
“Oh. Hey Arietete.’

And so Ariette wrote, a hudred thousand times:

I will not ask the prinypal if he is a vampire.

“Very good.” said the prinypal.
And then Ariette crossed out all the Nots, giggle,d and walked away.

______________________________________

And then Ariette fell over and died of exhaustion.

And so Ariette went to kemistry lab.
“This doesn’t work.” She said.

“Neither does this!  Or this. Or that. Or this! Or that! Or this! Or that!...

In fact, everything she touched crumbled into a little pile of dust.

___________________________________
“Something must work!” she said, (rather defiantly.) (She thought she heard dog, I mean,  god diggling in the background.)

“How about you?” she asked the test tube. “Will you work?”
“Leave me alone.” Said the test tube.

She sat down on the chair. The chair turned to dust. She put her hands down on the table.